OT - Just a Joke

Wombat · Post by **Wombat** » Wed Oct 02, 2002 8:42 am

On 2002-10-02 08:10, The Weekenders wrote:
Wombat, pal-o-mine, are you confuzzled or what? That sounds like a very traumatic upbringing!!! Can you even speak recognizable words out loud?

I can just hear the "I'll give you something to cry about" in three languages.....

Yikes!

Exactly. Trouble is, so can I.

Recognisable words? Mostly. Slang is hardest because meaning tends to migrate both in the general community and within curious melting-pot families. I might use Scottish or Irish slang in a sense only known in Australia or a sense that has evolved only in my family. (I've probably done both in posts already, somewhat to the mystification of those in the places where the slang originated.) I found out recently that the word 'bumsteer' would mean something like a rowdy person to the Irish but to an Australian it would mean roughly 'bad advice'. Similarly 'butter up' means flatter in standard English but 'persist by trying a second time' in colloquial Australian. Now these meanings aren't even close and must be the consequence of misunderstandings (or a series of misunderstandings.) Surely this sort of 'migration of meaning' happens a lot in the States and Canada. There must be some very funny examples.

I suppose if melting-pot backgrounds have an advantage it's this: you end up thinking not only outside the square but outside the whole bleedin' page. Advantage (?) do I hear you say.

[ This Message was edited by: Wombat on 2002-10-02 10:44 ]

The Weekenders · Post by **The Weekenders** » Wed Oct 02, 2002 11:08 am

They always SAY "Celebrate diversity" but do they really mean it? Does that include white people with wacky dialects??

I have some cowboy talk too that does not go well down here in goo-goo land but its a part of my upbringing.

Actually, a word that I really like to use and was once very standard English is to say "I reckon." People think you're some kind of hick for using it but it expresses something different than "I think" or "I guess" and is less pretentious than "I deduce".

Waitaminit, what thread is this?/ Spanish Lady? Oh, no, its joke. But as for "puddle swaddy" in other thread.... . Is that one of the many colorful Brit putdowns for various types of dark people? or is it swabby for mariner? Mot was mate, right?
Don't you say "swag-man" down there for something?

"Butter up" as keep trying...wow! That would fool me for sure. I guess in the hot and sandy clime, its like put oil on it and see if it moves on the second try.

[ This Message was edited by: The Weekenders on 2002-10-02 13:16 ]

Chuck_Clark · Post by **Chuck_Clark** » Wed Oct 02, 2002 11:41 am

Aw, c'mon folks. Stay on the off topic. This thread was actually fun.

Back to picking on disorganized religion...

**************************

A small town had an abundance of small churches, all in generally poor repair due to their small congregations and budgets. So the various pastors and elders and such had a meeting and decided that the best solution was to build a shared facility that they'd all use and care for. The problem was that they didn't have enough money to build it. So they decided to gather their congregations together in the high school auditorium to present the idea and ask for donated labor.

First, though, the Catholic priest, who was an amateur electrician, made some modifications to the auditorium seats.

Came the night of the big meeting. The Lutheran pastor stood at the podium and presented the idea. Then he explained that they needed volunteers for various tasks. For example, first they needed a contractor to dig the basement.

No one moved, so the Baptist preacher hidden offstage scanned a list and hit a button, causing an electric current to a specific seat. It's occupant leapt up with a yell. the Lutheran pastor called out "very good, Jack Murphy voluneered." Next they needed a concrete contractor to pour a foundation, and Abe Silverman 'volunteered' in similar fashion.

All in all, it went pretty well and they got their volunteers. The only problem was that they electrocuted three Methodists.

bob baksi · Post by **bob baksi** » Wed Oct 02, 2002 1:36 pm

I'm neither Methodist, nor Baptist, but such jokes as one above while technically "clean" easily can fuel more vicious agendas. We should all be able to have some good natured fun, but publicly promoting or perpetuating negative stereotypes of ministers and/or rabbis and/or priests in negative fashion ignores the overwhelming positive aspects of these dedicated persons and the enormous contributions of their faiths. Passing it off as "just a joke", using the guise of "humor" or "good fun" doesn't help us maintain C&F as a positive and respectful forum. I regret that I've done my own share of cruel and insensitive jokes in the past, and am trying to be a bit better as more rings grow in my trunk. Thanks for any kind consideration.

Sean · Post by **Sean** » Wed Oct 02, 2002 1:52 pm

Bob, you are absolutely correct. These types of things COMPLETELY ignore the overwhelming good that these professionals do for their community.
That's what makes it funny. If you really expected a few priests to electrocute their parish into volunteering, then it wouldn't be a joke.
Three Methodists died of electrocution. HA, now that's funny.
Sean the Heretic

johnz · Post by **johnz** » Wed Oct 02, 2002 2:43 pm

People sometimes get too worked up over jokes. Most people like to make fun of people different than themselves.I know I do, although it isn't a serious dislike or degredation of people I'm joking about. Just good fun.
Take care, Johnz

Patrick · Post by **Patrick** » Wed Oct 02, 2002 5:23 pm

Well, here's one I have heard in two different churches, one Southern Baptist, the other Nazarene. Seems true for either one.

Teacher tells the class she wants each to bring a symbol of their religious faith to class for show & tell on Friday. The day comes and the several Catholic kids have together brought in 5 rosaries, 3 catchisms, a crucifix, and two holy medals. The three Jewish kids have a total of one torah, a menorah, and a star of David. All the rest of the class is Nazarene and each one has a covered casserole dish on his or her desk...

I love potlucks. And I'm Church of the Nazarene.

-Patrick

TonyHiggins · Post by **TonyHiggins** » Wed Oct 02, 2002 5:32 pm

On 2002-10-02 19:23, Patrick wrote:
All the rest of the class is Nazarene and each one has a covered casserole dish on his or her desk...

I love potlucks. And I'm Church of the Nazarene.

I've never been so offended as by the implications inherent here...I'm Catholic. We have killer potlucks. Especially in California due to the huge immigrant population. Look at the ethnic groups that are Catholic and the kinds of food we're talking about. So, what kind of stuff do you Nazarene's eat at potlucks???

Tony

Post by **Dale** » Wed Oct 02, 2002 5:38 pm

Stop me if you've heard this one.

A guy is sitting in his house playing the whistle. He keeps thinking he hears a very faint tapping noise outside the back door. Almost like someone knocking but very, very faintly. Finally, he gets up and opens it and no one is there. He happens to look down and there's a snail. He's disgusted so he grabs a Kleenex and picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can out the back door.

2 years later he's sitting around again and he hears that faint tapping sound again. Opens the door. Nobody there. Looks down, sees the snail with a little shred of Kleenex attached to it. And the snail says, "Hey! What was THAT all about?"

Here's my idea about a new section of chiff & fipple's website and maybe a regular feature in the newsletter. It'll be called "Jokes about Whistles and Whistle Players." But, none of the jokes will really have anything to do with whistles or whistlers, other than some character in the joke is playing the whistle. Kind of like the joke I just told you. So, first order of business is that everybody ought to go back and edit their messages so they are about whistle players. Then I'll start compiling the webpage.

Dale

[ This Message was edited by: DaleWisely on 2002-10-02 19:39 ]

Chuck_Clark · Post by **Chuck_Clark** » Wed Oct 02, 2002 5:59 pm

Q: How many whistle players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Before or after the Guinness?

chattiekathy · Post by **chattiekathy** » Wed Oct 02, 2002 6:30 pm

A Child's Perspective

An old WHISTLE PLAYING country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a
baby.
It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so.
The mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby. "Spank him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldn't have
crawled in there in the first place."

OutOfBreath · Post by **OutOfBreath** » Wed Oct 02, 2002 7:05 pm

On 2002-10-02 15:36, bob baksi wrote:
I'm neither Methodist, nor Baptist, but such jokes as one above while technically "clean" easily can fuel more vicious agendas...blah blah blah

Then, as a Baptist, may I respectfully submit that maybe you should not be so quick to take offense on someone else's behalf?! I'd bet a Generation C whistle that the person who posted that joke is either a Methodist or heard the joke from a Methodist. Yeesh, I am a Baptist and some of the funniest jokes I've ever heard were at the expense of Baptists, and it really didn't make a hill of beans whether it was a Baptist telling the joke or a Catholic.

I've had Polish friends who love a good polish joke. I have a blind friend with an incredible sense of humor that sets me rolling across the floor when he either tells blind jokes or makes "insensitive" remarks about his condition. After years of being PC around him I finally caught on to the fact that he was comfortable with his condition and he not only enjoys telling the jokes, he fully expects friends to participate in the same kind of give and take you would engage in with any other person.

Sorry to unload on you, but PC police who make a career of being offended on other's behalf are really getting under my skin. Only the butt of a joke is in a position to judge whether it is mean or harmful or just a delightfully irreverant look at life. Only the butt of a joke is in a position to legitimately express offense at jokes that cross the line. Everyone else should just butt out and laugh or not laugh as their fancy strikes them.

Our ability to laugh at ourselves is essential to happiness and, personally, I believe it comes naturally. I believe we have to have someone teach us to take offense so easily.

Now, just to keep things on the light side, did you hear about the Jew, the Catholic, and the Baptist who were talking about how much they gave to their synagogue and churches? The Jew says, "Every year, I estimate my income and pledge 10 percent. Every month I pay, I've never missed a cent."

The Catholic says, "Well, we aren't that formal in my parish, but I always give 15 percent of my income plus I put something in the poor box every Sunday."

The WHISTLE PLAYING Baptist snaps his suspenders and says, "Well, I give all of my income to the Lord. Yep, every payday I cash my check then I go home and throw all the money in the air. Whatever God lets fall to the floor I keep for myself."

John

(Edited to make it a Whistle-Playing Baptist.)

[ This Message was edited by: OutOfBreath on 2002-10-02 21:06 ]

OutOfBreath · Post by **OutOfBreath** » Wed Oct 02, 2002 7:09 pm

Whoops, here's another one.

Did you hear about the Baptist preacher who went to a WHISTLE PLAYING BARBER. During the haircut the naturally chatty (when he's not whistling) barber learns that his new customer is a minister.

After the haircut the preacher goes to pay for the haircut but the barber says, "No, God has blessed my little shop and I have a policy that I never charge ministers for a haircut."

The next morning the barber arrives at his shop to find 137 Baptist preachers lined up around the block...

John

Wombat · Post by **Wombat** » Thu Oct 03, 2002 1:24 am

On 2002-10-02 13:41, Chuck_Clark wrote:
Aw, c'mon folks. Stay on the off topic. This thread was actually fun.

You don't find deconstructing Spanish ladies fun Chuck? Really? On the *Poststructuralist* Whistle Board?

Well here's one especially for you.

A man was wandering through town one day and saw a pawn shop. With nothing better to do he walked in to see if he could pick up something interesting cheaply. He saw a Copeland low D and a couple of Burke's but they were way too expensive. Next to the whistles, though, he saw a large brass rat; the best brass rat he'd ever seen. The price tag read $20; time for some serious haggling. He walked over to the shopkeeper and offered $15. 'Aw, I don't know', said the shopkeeper, 'you don't get finer brass rats than that feller. Tell you what I'll do. So long as you promise not to try to return it no matter how you feel later I'll give it to you for $15.' 'Are you kidding, why would I want to return a rat this fine.' 'OK, done, but don't forget your promise.'

The man left the shop with the brass rat under his arm. He hadn't gone more than a few paces when a rat came out of a side street and started following him. Another emerged from a drainpipe and joined the procession. By the time he reached the first intersection twenty rats had joined in. A block down the road and there were a hundred rats all fighting to get as close as possible to their brass lookalike.

This wasn't such a good idea, after all. In desperation the man went down towards the river but things just got worse when all the water rats joined in. What to do? It was a shame to have to part with the little brass beauty but he saw no alternative but to hurl it into the river and hope for the best. To his great relief all the rats jumped in after their brass leader and drowned.

After composing himself, our man returned straight away to the pawnshop. The shopkeeper was nervous and impatient. 'Look, I told you there'd be no returns. You promised! You wouldn't have got it that cheaply if you hadn't.' Relax, said the man, I don't want to return it. I just want to know if you've got any brass lawyers.

Dewhistle · Post by **Dewhistle** » Thu Oct 03, 2002 1:52 am

Okay, here's one that doesn't really read well, but is a favorite of mine when told aloud.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Impatient cow.

Impatient cow-

MOO!

Yes, it's stupid, so is Trigger Happy TV and I laugh harder at that than at First Gravedigger (a very funny guy) in Hamlet.