American Product Warning Labels

[Martin Milner]

Product Warnings:

"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

"For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

"Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.

"Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.

"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

"Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.

"Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket.

"Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.

"This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an nlectric rotary tool.

"Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.

"Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

"Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.

"Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter.

"Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image.

"Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

"Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

"This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.

"May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.

"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."

"Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.

"Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.

"Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.

"Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

"Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.

"Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.

"Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.

"Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.

"Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.

"Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.

"For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.

"For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener.

"Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.

"Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.

"Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski.

"Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.

"Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.

"Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.

"Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone.

"Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers.

"Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink.

"Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate.

"Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant.

"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.

"Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757.

"Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.

"Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.

"Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels.

"Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.

"Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.

"Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.

"For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights.

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.

"This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door.

"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.

"Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.

"Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.

"Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.

"Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.

"Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.

"Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.

"May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

"Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.

"Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

"Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.

"Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.

"Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

"Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.

"Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

"Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

"Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

"Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

"Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.

"Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.

"Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

"Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.

"For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.

"Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.

"Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Now as long as this is the sort of information leaking out about the American consumer's need for product information, we will have to think of the American consumer as a few currents short of a bun.

[Denny]

Now as long as this is the sort of information leaking out about the American consumer's need for product information, we will have to think of the American consumer as a few currents short of a bun.

Just "a few"?

Denny

[PhilO]

Some of it's just stupid and funny, but most is in reaction to and anticipation of frivolous law suits in this litigious country brought by morons into courts that don't seem to be able to dismiss them out of hand as frivolous and illogical. I'll bet there have been suits because shin guards (worn on the shins and not the head) failed to protect from head injury.

Philo

[burnsbyrne]

Oh yes, suing is what makes America great.
Have you seen the TV ad for a Volvo that is entirely an animated cartoon? Towards the end of the comercial appears a disclaimer, "Animated course, animated driver."
Mike

[gonzo914]

Caution: This software may cause duplicate posts.

Yes, warnings are carried to an extreme, but at least there is a legal obligation for manufacturers to take responsibility for their products and reasonably ensure their safety. I shudder to think what kind of fatality-inducing products would come from American business were it given free rein. Corvairs come to mind, and Firestone 500 tires, and thalidomide.

But on a lighter note -- some warning labels from physicists -- http://www.btinternet.com/~homepage/sig ... 31.htm#war

PLEASE NOTE: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.

Finally, I don't think Americans have a monopoly on these. Here's one reported from England -- "I’ll never forget a label I saw in England on a jar of peanuts. For some reason, in England, food products have a “use within X days” label which is often an unreasonably short period of time. On the back of this huge peanut jar I was informed that, once opened, I should consume all of the peanuts within ten days. The company was apparently very fearful of liability, upon reading a little further down I discovered another warning: “Caution: this product may contain traces of peanuts.” (Source -- http://andrewsinclair.org/archive/ridic ... labels.htm)

And one just has to look at some of the labels www.engrish.com to see what happens when we outsource production and packaging to the lowest bidder.

ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Know as "Tunneling," This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your Neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.

[Colin]

... a transparent attempt to slander the poor Americans when in fact a
cursory glance at one of the warning labels proves this list is actually British in origin:

"Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.

Boot's Chemist shops are a leading British drug store chain and I don't
believe they exist in the USA.
You have been exposed.
We accept your apology.

Colin

[rh]

I shudder to think what kind of fatality-inducing products would come from American business were it given free rein. Corvairs come to mind, and Firestone 500 tires, and thalidomide.

thalidomide came from Europe, IIRC it was never marketed in the US.

[gonzo914]

thalidomide came from Europe, IIRC it was never marketed in the US.

Not originally, but it is now. Thalidomide was licensed for use in the United States in 1998.

It is available from Celgene, a Delaware corporation (But aren't they all Delaware corporations?)

The warning label is 28 pages long. (Actually, it's the clinical information and prescribing guidelines, the thing that usually is just a folded up piece of paper with tiny print stuck in the side of the box.)

There is nothing so dangerous that some rapacious corporation won't try to make a buck off of it, so whereas admittedly some warnings are in reaction to consumer stupidity, corporate cupidity is a driver as well.

[Nanohedron]

This offered to us by our own Herbivore12:

Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2003 5:45 pm Post subject: OT: Why the U.S. should bring back royal institutions

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was alerted to the May 6 debate at the House of Lords by an edited version that appeared in the latest Harper's magazine. I Googled, found the full text posted on Parliament's website -- and after Googling, goggled that this debate was real -- and am suddenly suffused with a tender affection for these Lords and Ladies (and Baronesses, and so on). If Congress debated thus, I'd watch C-Span every day.

As a public service to the international whistling community, I hereby present the House of Lords debates on, first, the dangers of food tins, and second, spam (of the eletronic variety):
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Food Containers: Safety
2.53 p.m.

Lord Harrison asked Her Majesty's Government:
Whether, in the light of the Department of Trade and Industry's 23rd annual report of the home and leisure accident surveillance system entitled Working for a Safer World, they will encourage the food and packaging industries to redesign food containers and cans, for example those containing corned beef.

The Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State, Department of Trade and Industry (Lord Sainsbury of Turville):

My Lords, my department has not taken any specific actions with the packaging industry as a result of the 23rd HASS report. However, based on information from earlier editions of the report, during the 1990s my department published a number of research reports aimed at helping manufacturers improve the design of cans and make them easier for consumers to open safely. Statistics show that the number of accidents from corned beef cans has been declining and they are not a major cause of accidents now. Packaging, as with many products, is covered by the provisions of the general product safety directive, which imposes a general safety duty on it.

Lord Harrison:
My Lords, I thank my noble friend for that Answer, but does he understand that many of us still believe corned beef tins and, indeed, other varieties of pull-top cans, to be inherently unsafe? Will he ensure that his department pursues its interest in helping to have those redesigned by the food and packaging industry? Will he also note that the report shows that some 6 million of us each year attend accident and emergency units in hospital, and that some 90 children under the age of five die as a result of accidents at home? Is he satisfied that the Government's accident taskforce has sufficient resources and powers to reduce the incidence of these accidents at home?

Lord Sainsbury of Turville:
My Lords, I am delighted that the noble Lord has asked me a Question about corned beef cans. I have been answering questions about them all my life and I regard them as one of my real areas of expertise.

There is a real problem about corned beef cans. They have a trapezoidal shape and a key kind of ring. The DTI has done much work on this issue in giving further instructions and also special coatings for the cans which enable the corned beef to be extracted more easily. There has in fact been a remarkable drop in accidents with corned beef cans. They have fallen from 8,720 per year out of 26,000 accidents caused by all tins to 3,091 out of 19,000. I should point out that the really dramatic decrease came after 1997.

Baroness Sharples:
My Lords, can the noble Lord say whether ring-pull cans are safer than ordinary cans which are opened with a tin-opener? Which is safest?

Lord Sainsbury of Turville:
My Lords, I am not sure that I can give exact details between the different kinds of can, but the one which is used for corned beef is particularly disliked by people, mainly because they lose the keys and then attack the corned beef can with whatever is at hand. If the noble Baroness would like to pursue this point, I can probably find her some detailed statistics.

Lord Razzall:
My Lords, will the Minister allow me to rescue him from his worldwide expertise on the topic of corned beef and ask a slightly wider question? Does he agree that, taking the nub of the question of the noble Lord, Lord Harrison—working for a safer world—a reduction in the use of products which have an impact on the environment would be highly desirable? What steps are the Government taking to ensure that clear, verified information is available to consumers on the environmental impact of such products?

Lord Sainsbury of Turville: My Lords, that goes wider than my knowledge of corned beef; it strays into a completely different department and area—the impact on the environment. This report is very specifically about recording accidents which take place in accident and emergency departments of hospitals. The impact on the environment is a totally different question.

Lady Saltoun of Abernethy:
My Lords, is the Minister aware that if, having taken off one end of the corned beef can with the twisty thing provided—assuming that you have not lost it—you then take a common, ordinary, household tin-opener and take off the other end, it is very easy to push the corned beef out of the tin without any danger to yourself?

Lord Sainsbury of Turville:
Yes, my Lords, I was aware of that, and I am very glad that that essential piece of information is passed round for the benefit of this House.

Baroness Oppenheim-Barnes:
My Lords, does the Minister agree, as the noble Baroness has demonstrated, that most home accidents are avoidable, arising out of carelessness, and that therefore paying attention is one of the best cures?

Lord Sainsbury of Turville:
My Lords, I totally agree. These statistics on accidents are extremely fascinating; they prove that the British public can use practically anything in this world to hurt themselves with. It is understandable that there are an estimated 55 accidents a year from putty, while toothpaste accounts for 73. However, it is rather bizarre that 823 accidents are estimated to be the result of letters and envelopes. It is difficult to understand how they can be the cause of such serious plight. I agree with the noble Baroness that it would be helpful if people paid careful attention.

Baroness Strange:
My Lords, does the Minister agree that sardine tins and anchovy tins are also very difficult to open with their tin-openers?

Lord Sainsbury of Turville:
My Lords, I think I will just agree with the noble Baroness on that question.

Unsolicited e-mails
2.59 p.m.
Lord Mitchell asked Her Majesty's Government:
What are their plans to reduce the growth in spam (unsolicited e-mails).

Lord Sainsbury of Turville:
My Lords, I hope noble Lords will appreciate how I move seamlessly from corned beef to spam.

We aim to implement by the end of October this year the privacy and electronic communications directive. This includes requirements that unsolicited e-mails may be sent to individuals only for the purpose of direct marketing with their prior consent, except where there is existing customer relationship between the sender and the addressee. Consultation on the draft regulations started on 27th March and closes on 19th June.

Lord Mitchell:
My Lords, I thank my noble friend the Minister for that Answer. Unsolicited e-mails, known as "spam", now account for half of all e-mails in this country. In the United States, they account for 70 per cent. Spam, whether it is nuisance advertising or hardcore ρσяиσפядρђψ is literally choking the Internet. Will the Minister expand on his Answer? Do the Government intend to follow the example of the United States Senate in introducing legislation specifically prohibiting unsolicited e-mails?

Lord Sainsbury of Turville:
My Lords, we believe this to be a serious issue. The fact that a European regime has now been agreed implements the door to bilateral agreements between the EU and other countries, which is clearly very helpful. The European Commission is keen to pursue that.
There is now a big movement to stop spam in the United States. Twenty-six states have legislated and, although I do not believe that any action has been taken at the federal level, there has been a recent forum from the Federal Trade Commission on the subject.

We take the matter seriously. If measures are to be effective, it is vitally important that the international dimension is taken account of.

Lord Renton:
My Lords, will the Minister explain how it is that an inedible tinned food that lasted for ever and was supplied to those on active service can become an unsolicited e-mail, bearing in mind that some of us wish to be protected from having an e-mail?

Lord Sainsbury of Turville:
My Lords, I am afraid that I have not been able to find out why the term "spam" is used, but that is the meaning it now has. It is a matter that should be taken very seriously because it not only clutters up computers but involves a great deal of very unpleasant advertising to do with easy credit, ρσяиσפядρђψ and miracle diets. That is offensive to people, and we should try to reduce it.

Lord Faulkner of Worcester:
My Lords, I can help the Minister with the origin of the word. It comes from aficionados of Monty Python, and the famous song, "Spam, spam, spam, spam". It has been picked up by the Internet community and is used as a description of rubbish on the Internet.

More seriously, is the Minister aware that up to 85,000 pieces of unsolicited e-mail are received by the Parliamentary Communications Directorate each month? Will he join me in congratulating the directorate on its valiant efforts to filter out that menace, given that a high proportion of it is rubbish advertising from the United States and that some of it consists of profane material? The directorate is battling against a rising tide; the Government's assistance is needed in combating it.

Lord Sainsbury of Turville:
My Lords, I am happy to commend that course of action. As I say, it is a serious issue. We need to take all steps against it.

Lord Razzall:
My Lords, given the Government's concern about voter turnout in elections and their commitment to increasing the use of Internet voting and campaigning, does the Minister consider that further restrictions on unsolicited e-mails would be contrary to that objective?

Lord Sainsbury of Turville:
My Lords, no, not at all. I cannot see that it helps anyone in any activity, including voting, to have their computers flooded with this often quite distasteful material. It takes up a large capacity—some 40 per cent of e-mails around the world, according to my figures. It takes up a considerable amount of space for Internet service providers and is a very poor use of the infrastructure.

Lady Saltoun of Abernethy:
My Lords, do the Government have any plans to restrict unsolicited faxes? My fax paper is always being wasted by people who send me faxes I do not want. I do not know whether they could be called "corned beef" or something, but I have had enough of them.

Lord Sainsbury of Turville:
My Lords, faxes are already covered, in exactly the same way, by the existing telecoms data protection directive. The essential nature of the privacy directive is to extend that into the question of e-mails.

Lord Haskel:
My Lords, is my noble friend aware that modern fax machines are equipped to refuse faxes that have no return telephone number. In that way, many unsolicited faxes are filtered out. Is there any way in which the Internet system could operate similarly? For example, can the Internet service providers filter out e-mails that do not have a return address on them?

Lord Sainsbury of Turville:
My Lords, there is a lot of action that Internet service providers can take to help customers to protect themselves. They can and indeed do offer spam filtering and blocking options. However, we do not want to specify what ISPs must do, because different people require different levels of protection. There is a strong commercial incentive to ISPs to offer a range of solutions, and they are keen to do so to cut costs.

Lord Mackie of Benshie:
My Lords, can the Minister think of a name for the enormous amount of unsolicited ordinary mail we receive?

Lord Sainsbury of Turville:
My Lords, when I have a moment I shall bend my mind to that question.
...............................................................

So there, Martin.


edited for focus if not clarity apropos to the thread

[Walden]

Japanese Product Warning Labels and the like.

On a mobile phone: WARNING: Be careful of bad language in this
mobile phone, because a partner's feeling is going to be bad.
Let's keep mobile manners.

On a Medical Questionnaire:
Are you haunted by horribles?
Do you ever run after your nose?
Does your nose choke?
Does your head or face or shoulder ever limp?
Has any part of your body suddenly grown uncontrollable?

On a dry cell package: Please use quality batties. Don't use bad
batties, or any problem is not any contact with our CO.

Warning label of an air gun that shoots plastic pellets: Never shoot
as joking, always look before shoot, the careless use may cause
injure and be punished. [The illustration shows a drive-by shooting
at a guy with a dog, and an arrow points from that scene to a guy
being handcuffed.]

[gonzo914]

Sometimes a warning label might have been helpful --

Drinking and shotguns in your pants don't mix

Man jailed for illegal firearm possession after shooting self in groin

The Associated Press
Updated: 5:00 p.m. ET July 13, 2004

SHEFFIELD, England - A man who shot himself in the groin after drinking 15 pints of beer and stuffing a sawed-off shotgun down his trousers was jailed for five years Tuesday for illegal possession of a firearm.

David Walker, 28, underwent emergency surgery after the March 6 incident in Dinnington, northern England. Tests were continuing to learn if Walker would be left infertile, his lawyer Gulzar Syed said.

“He still feels quite severe pain,” Syed told Sheffield Crown Court, adding that some pellets still were lodged in Walker’s groin area.

More at http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5431787

If only there had been a warning label, something like "Caution: Stuffing this firearm down your trousers and discharging it may result in sterility and incarceration."

But then again, maybe that would not have helped. There were, after all, 15 pints of beer involved.

Warning: Consumption of 15 pints of this heady brew may result in your stuffing a shotgun down your trousers and discharging it, with the accompanying complications of sterility and incarceration.

[avanutria]

These statistics ... prove that the British public can use practically anything in this world to hurt themselves with. <B>It is understandable</B> that there are an estimated 55 accidents a year from putty, while toothpaste accounts for 73. However, it is rather bizarre that 823 accidents are estimated to be the result of letters and envelopes. It is difficult to understand how they can be the cause of such serious plight.

I knew there was a reason I like the British so much...

[kevin m.]

Warning: Consumption of 15 pints of this heady brew may result in your stuffing a shotgun down your trousers and discharging it, with the accompanying complications of sterility and incarceration.

Sounds like the bloke involved might have done the rest of us a favour-He must be a contender for a 'Darwin Award' now!

[GaryKelly]

So there, Martin.

My dear Nano,

I have bent my mind to the meaning and purpose of your recent post, and confess I cannot understand your closing remarks to Mr Milner.

As a citizen of Great Britain which, as everyone surely knows, is the Mother of Democracy, I am delighted to see at work the ancient process of free and democratic debate by such luminaries as you have quoted. It is a process which many other nations try, and singularly fail, to emulate. I concede it may be because those other nations, worthy though their efforts are, sadly lack the requisite septuagenarian nobility with which to populate their upper houses.

Indeed, on Monday evening this very week, I suffered a catastrophe exactly as described by Lord Sainsbury. Whilst using the key provided to open a tin of corned beef, the blessed thing broke halfway through the normal procedure, and I was obliged thereafter to employ a large kitchen knife in order to liberate the tin's contents.

It was a fraught business, I can tell you, and I was keenly aware of the dangers I exposed myself to in attempting to slice open the recalcitrant container using a knife the likes of which Jack the Ripper would have been proud.

And to my great alarm, I have subsequently ascertained that there are indeed no warnings of any kind against such behaviour on the tins in question.

Glad am I that matters of such import are debated earnestly by the noble Lords and Ladies of this green and pleasant realm. Though I admit I remain unenlightened as to why toothpaste should be the cause of so much suffering; I have never been sorely afflicted by the stuff meself.

Yours faithfully,

Garrington Chips-Vinegar

[Martin Milner]

Whilst using the key provided to open a tin of corned beef, the blessed thing broke halfway through the normal procedure, and I was obliged thereafter to employ a large kitchen knife in order to liberate the tin's contents.

Anyone who has read Three Men in a Boat by J K Jerome will be in no doubt that three grown Englishmen may still prove unequal to the task of opening a tin of peaches without injury to themselves.