Post Those Holiday Quotes Here

[mutepointe]

As you spend time with family, friends, co-workers, and other groups during Holiday events, you know people are going to say some of the darndest things. Please post those quotes here for all of us to enjoy. I suppose I should caution everyone that this is not the thread to read while drinking liquids.

[WyoBadger]

"It is so cruel to have all this great food in the fridge and not be able to eat it until Friday!"
--Mrs. Badger

[Lambchop]

I suppose I should not use this thread to air grievances, specifically about the 9:00 a.m. office holiday breakfast, to which Lamby was due to arrive 20 minutes late following a dentist appointment, for which she had gone out of her way to be a Kind and Generous Contributing Spirit, and to which she did arrive 20 minutes late to discover a groaning board no longer groaning, but covered with innumerable pans all bearing naught but greasy smears . . . except for about 5 dozen donuts . . . at which time she heard the Famous Quote of the Season . . .

"Hey! You missed it! We started eating at 7."

She would not do that because it would sound bitter and resentful.

[mutepointe]

That Lambchop. Always taking the high road.

[Lambchop]

Lord knows she tries.

[WyoBadger]

[chas]

Not exactly a quote, definitely not one from this season, as the quotee died some time back. But one of my favorite album titles: "Christmas and the beads of sweat," by Laura Nyro.

[jsluder]

From a recent holiday dinner party:

"What kind of dinner rolls are these?"
"Butter-sticks."
"What makes them so yellow?"
"Butter."

[Lambchop]

Are you sure it was butter? It wasn't food coloring, was it?

[mutepointe]

Backstory: One of the little boys my wife babysits was a bit put out when he was not invited to a grown-up holiday party. "Why wasn't I invited? I'm fun, I like parties?" So today, in an unusual event, they came to our house so their Mom could do some Christmas stuff without them seeing. My wife planned an adult party for the two boys. I found some sparkling cider on sale at the store on Saturday and they used real wine glasses, they had hors d'oeuvres, and I tied some neckties ahead of time for them to wear.

"Aw, we should have worn hurty shoes too."

[jsluder]

Are you sure it was butter? It wasn't food coloring, was it?

Quite sure. The rolls were homemade, by my wife. She bakes from scratch with the best ingredients she can get. (Living with someone who likes to bake, and is very good at it, is the main reason I regularly attend an exercise class. )

[susnfx]

Here's one I'm never around to hear:

Sister-in-law to my nephew: "Did you remember to invite your aunt Susan?"
Nephew: "No."

Later when I am around:
Sister-in-law to me: "So I asked Dallas, 'Did you remember to invite your aunt Susan?' and he said, 'No.'"
Me: Crooked smile and try to feel like it's humorous--after the 4th or 5th time it's happened.

I no longer attend those family functions because I'm bitter and resentful--and NEVER take the high road.

Susan

[Jerry Freeman]

Arleen (a physician) to Natasha (Natasha has just opened her present, a large doll, and Arleen is helping her put socks on the doll) ...

"Stabilize that leg!"

Best wishes,
Jerry

[Caroluna]

From a holiday newsletter:

Time is getting short and I am just starting my cards. I have some tendonitis in my thumb so it is a little difficult to type right now [...] so it is slow going. A heavy handed sabre fencer smashed his sabre into mine and jammed my hand back, and it has gone steadily downhill from there..."

She works as a researcher in plant pathology, but has an alternate existence as an amateur fencer. The newsletters are always interesting!

[Caroluna]

The pet bird said these new variations over and over today.

I'm a star's your day.
How's your doin'? How's your c'mere?

Mangled from his old favorites "I'm a starling" "How's your day today" "C'mere" and "Whatcha doin'?"