This duck walks into a bar...
This duck walks into a bar...
...and goes, "Ouch! Who put this bar here?!"
many apologies to the humor impaired
many apologies to the humor impaired
Chad Wilson
Some whistles, an old fiddle, an old banjo, a bass, a guitar and a bodhran
Some whistles, an old fiddle, an old banjo, a bass, a guitar and a bodhran
Re: This duck walks into a bar...
Hey! Moderator! He's discriminatin' against ducks!
Besides, I only walked into it that one time.
Besides, I only walked into it that one time.
Giles: "We few, we happy few."
Spike: "We band of buggered."
Spike: "We band of buggered."
- chas
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Re: This duck walks into a bar...
Two guys walk into a bar. Which is pretty dumb, you'd think after the first guy cracked his head on it, the other one would have avoided it. (I first heard this by Howie Mandel.)
Charlie
Whorfin Woods
"Our work puts heavy metal where it belongs -- as a music genre and not a pollutant in drinking water." -- Prof Ali Miserez.
Whorfin Woods
"Our work puts heavy metal where it belongs -- as a music genre and not a pollutant in drinking water." -- Prof Ali Miserez.
- dubhlinn
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Re: This duck walks into a bar...
Irishman, Englishman and a Scotsman walk into a Bar.
Barman sez "Is this a joke?"
Slan,
D.
Barman sez "Is this a joke?"
Slan,
D.
And many a poor man that has roved,
Loved and thought himself beloved,
From a glad kindness cannot take his eyes.
W.B.Yeats
Loved and thought himself beloved,
From a glad kindness cannot take his eyes.
W.B.Yeats
- WyoBadger
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- Tell us something.: "Tell us something" hits me a bit like someone asking me to tell a joke. I can always think of a hundred of them until someone asks me for one. You know how it is. Right now, I can't think of "something" to tell you. But I have to use at least 100 characters to inform you of that.
- Location: Wyoming
Re: This duck walks into a bar...
Two Scotsmen walk past a bar.
Fall down six times. Stand up seven.
- Caj
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Re: This duck walks into a bar...
A man walked up to a bar and ordered "seven, count em, seven shots of whiskey. In fact, make them doubles."
The barman thought this dude is buying for his friends, and so lined up seven glasses. But the dude pulled up a stool and began drinking it all himself---drinking faster than the bartender is pouring. Just as the barman poured the seventh glass the man snatched it from the table and kicked it back.
"My God, man," cried the bartender, "what are you doing to yourself? You just---"
But the man looked up, stopping the bartender cold with his sad, devastated expression. "If you had what I have," he said sheepishly, "you'd be drinking as fast as I am."
The barman shifted uncomfortably. "Gosh, buddy, um, what do you have?"
The man said, "I have a dollar."
The barman thought this dude is buying for his friends, and so lined up seven glasses. But the dude pulled up a stool and began drinking it all himself---drinking faster than the bartender is pouring. Just as the barman poured the seventh glass the man snatched it from the table and kicked it back.
"My God, man," cried the bartender, "what are you doing to yourself? You just---"
But the man looked up, stopping the bartender cold with his sad, devastated expression. "If you had what I have," he said sheepishly, "you'd be drinking as fast as I am."
The barman shifted uncomfortably. "Gosh, buddy, um, what do you have?"
The man said, "I have a dollar."
Re: This duck walks into a bar...
A B-flat, a D-flat, and an F walk into a bar. The bartender says to them, "I'm sorry we don't serve minors here"... So the D-flat leaves and the B-flat and the F have an open fifth between them.
- weedie
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Re: This duck walks into a bar...
A horse walked into a pub and ordered a beer..........
The barman says..." g'day there mate,why the long face ? "
The barman says..." g'day there mate,why the long face ? "
" Quiet is quite nice " ..... weedie .....
- Doc Jones
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Re: This duck walks into a bar...
Guy walks into a bar carrying his son who, oddlly enough, was born without a body...just a head.
He says to the bartender "It's my boy's 21st birthday. Bring him a beer". The head drinks the beer and burps, and out pop a couple of arms.
"It's a miracle!" cries the father "Barkeep, bring another beer quick!". The bar keeper obliges. The lad drinks and burps and out pops a torso.
"Keep 'em comin'" cries the father. Two beers and two burps later, and the lad has a two legs, a complete set of body parts.
"Glory be!" says the father "This calls for a celebration! Barkeep bring us one more round for a toast." The barkeep brings the beers and they drink a toast to their good fortune. The lad drinks his beer, burps and explodes.
Moral of the story: Quit while your a head.
Doc
He says to the bartender "It's my boy's 21st birthday. Bring him a beer". The head drinks the beer and burps, and out pop a couple of arms.
"It's a miracle!" cries the father "Barkeep, bring another beer quick!". The bar keeper obliges. The lad drinks and burps and out pops a torso.
"Keep 'em comin'" cries the father. Two beers and two burps later, and the lad has a two legs, a complete set of body parts.
"Glory be!" says the father "This calls for a celebration! Barkeep bring us one more round for a toast." The barkeep brings the beers and they drink a toast to their good fortune. The lad drinks his beer, burps and explodes.
Moral of the story: Quit while your a head.
Doc
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- chrisoff
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Re: This duck walks into a bar...
Three pieces of tarmac walk into a bar and order a pint each. They take a seat in the corner and immediately start argueing. Tarmac No 1 says "I'm the hardest piece of road around". "No you're not" says No 2 "I'm by far the hardest". "Rubbish" says No 3, "I'm easily the hardest". With that, a piece of red tarmac walks into the bar and the other three fall silent. The red tarmac orders a pint, drinks it and walks out. The barman says I thought you were all hard you didn't have anything to say when he came in. Tarmac No 1 replies "Are you joking? We may be hard but he's a cyclepath".
- chrisoff
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Re: This duck walks into a bar...
Pfft. Ridiculous.WyoBadger wrote:Two Scotsmen walk past a bar.
- Joseph E. Smith
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Re: This duck walks into a bar...
A joke walks into a bar, and everybody (including the bar staff) get up and walk out.
- Caj
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Re: This duck walks into a bar...
Four doctors are in a bar, talking shop.
One doctor says, "you know, I like operating on accountants, because when you open them up, everything is neatly organized."
The second doctor says, "Librarians are better. You open them up and their organs are arranged alphabetically."
The third doctor says, "Lawyers are the easiest: they're spineless, gutless, heartless, and their heads and butts are interchangable."
The fourth doctor says, "Yeah, but I prefer operating on engineers. They always seem to understand when you end up with a few extra parts left over."
One doctor says, "you know, I like operating on accountants, because when you open them up, everything is neatly organized."
The second doctor says, "Librarians are better. You open them up and their organs are arranged alphabetically."
The third doctor says, "Lawyers are the easiest: they're spineless, gutless, heartless, and their heads and butts are interchangable."
The fourth doctor says, "Yeah, but I prefer operating on engineers. They always seem to understand when you end up with a few extra parts left over."
- Caj
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Re: This duck walks into a bar...
Ugh. That was horrible. You should get a federal grant.Peach wrote:A B-flat, a D-flat, and an F walk into a bar. The bartender says to them, "I'm sorry we don't serve minors here"... So the D-flat leaves and the B-flat and the F have an open fifth between them.
Re: This duck walks into a bar...
Joseph E. Smith wrote:A joke walks into a bar, and everybody (including the bar staff) get up and walk out.
Life is good!!!
Even when I am Miss Understood!!!
Even when I am Miss Understood!!!