OT: In Defense of JessieK

TerryB · Post by **TerryB** » Mon Mar 18, 2002 12:20 am

Dear friends,

I fear that many of you who didn't know Jessie previously have come away with very distorted picture of her. The Jessie I know is a warm, talented, creative, sensitive person. She has given a great deal of time on and off the message board to help many of you with your questions. The nature of her departure from the board was unfortunate, as Jessie herself realizes.

As both a friend of Jessie's and a Christian minister, my purpose is not to defend her views (although I would certainly defend her right to them). After talking to her, I simply want to make three brief points which I hope will help to put the nature of her departure into context.

1)Jessie acknowledges that the way she exited "was not one of my brighter moments." I think she felt hurt and lashed out in a way that she now regrets. Most of us have been in similar situations and said things we later wished we hadn't.

2)Jessie also recognizes that the use of the word "delusional" to describe someone's beliefs is likely to be offensive. She did not intend the word to be taken as a reference to some kind of mental or emotional disorder, but she does understand the confusion.

3)Finally, and perhaps most importantly, Jessie attended the church where I preach this Sunday for the first time and very much enjoyed it! I'm afraid that she, like many others, has had too many encounters with hypocritical or self-righteous types who give Christianity a bad name. My faith community (myself included) is nowhere near perfect, but Jessie was able to see people of sincere faith who love each other (and visitors).

Jessie respects, and even somewhat envies, my faith because she sees the peace, purpose, and joy it gives me. She may not share that faith, but I wanted to illustrate that she is not the anti-Christian ogre that she might have been perceived to be. It's just easier to witness and discuss the beliefs of a friend firsthand than to receive an electronic philosophical lecture from a stranger.

I don't think you'll see Jessie back on the board. If you email her directly with a question she might help you with that. In light of her absence, I simply wanted to send her off by giving you a little clearer picture of who she is.

I also don't want to trigger any more long and controversial threads. In fact, I'm away for the next few days for a mountain retreat with my family. I hope you have a great week, and can remember Jessie's positive contributions to this community.

Terry

mike.r · Post by **mike.r** » Mon Mar 18, 2002 8:19 am

Terry,
JessieK is fortunate to have such a careing friend and many of us need little convincing that she is nice and is well liked,and like most creative individuals,sensitive and easily hurt. Peace, Mike

Grannymouse · Post by **Grannymouse** » Mon Mar 18, 2002 1:40 pm

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Terry. I for one, feel much better, knowing Jessie has you for a friend. Gm

ErikT · Post by **ErikT** » Mon Mar 18, 2002 2:41 pm

It is often said that the audience only remembers the last note of a performance. This sounds like a good last note.

Erik

Glandman · Post by **Glandman** » Mon Mar 18, 2002 10:47 pm

I'll chime in here, too. I live in Nashville and know both Terry, the initiator of the post, and Jessie. Jessie is a fine person. Very gracious and unassuming....and very patient with others. She and her husband are definitely counted among my friends and, if you knew them, you'd welcome them into your circle of friends as well. She would "walk a mile" to help you. I think that she is the victim of the lack of personification of the written word that is so common with e-mail. People write things they wish to state but, unlesss you can see the look on their face, and measure other nonverbal cues, then you really do not know how to interpret what they say and what their intent would be. I think the comments she made required courage and confidence, were greatly misunderstood, and that a few of you fanned the flames leading to her departure from the board. It's the community's loss in the long run. One other thing....the lady can sing! The patrons of Mulligan's Pub in Nashville were treated to some very fine Irish songs last eve by Jessie and her husband. She gave them a few great riffs and some trad tunes on the whistles, too. Perhaps one day we'll play their CD on the way to our places of work and in our homes. Glandman the piper

steve · Post by **steve** » Tue Mar 19, 2002 8:15 am

I have searched the archives before asking my dopey questions and have always found jessies comments to be helpful and interesting. While I don't think "Farewell Friends and Morons" is an example of courage or confidence I'd want to teach my kids, I truly am looking forward to her return.

jim stone · Post by **jim stone** » Tue Mar 19, 2002 9:27 am

No, Jessie is alone responsible for her
leaving the board. She is in no sense
a victim. It's plain to me that she meant no
offense by calling people who believe in
God 'completely delusional,' but it's obvious
that people would be offended--and it's
not because they thought she was referring
to a psychological malady!

Someone who always says exactly what she
thinks in public forums, and who has strong
views, is likely to end up widely detested.
The fact that she meant no offense will
not help.

In addition, some of Jessie's
posts have been haughty. She's told
newbies they shouldn't contribute to
certain threads, called their questions
'inane,' and said there are 'very important
people' whom they are driving away. Sooner
or later people who appear arrogant will
be despised.

Also she is given to name calling and
to lashing out at people.

I like Jessie considerably. I hope she will learn from all of this how
to communicate with people without
infuriating them. Unless she likes
what has happened, it would be
helpful for her to a) get control of what
she says and writes. b) think about
the likely consequences, c) refuse
to express haughty
thoughts in a public venue, d) learn
to bite her tongue and say nothing
when the alternative is to become
unpleasant.

This is written in the spirit of a man
who decided the fourth time he was
run over by the train that maybe he
shouldn't walk on the tracks.

Sincere best wishes

Tyghress · Post by **Tyghress** » Tue Mar 19, 2002 9:43 am

I've stayed out of this so far, but seeing that the issue is still being discussed, I feel I need to chime in and agree with Jim. I was highly put off by Jessie's posts, enough that I was in the process of leaving the board myself rather than the effort it was taking to avoid her posts, even when I agreed with their input. Then the flaming exit saved me the effort.

If she returns, may it be with a bit more grace and tolerance and a bit less self-centered and arrogant.

_________________
Tyghress (born Jewish atheist who adores cats)
...And I go on, pursuing through the hours,
Another tiger, the one not found in verse.
Jorge Luis Borges

[ This Message was edited by: tyghress on 2002-03-19 10:44 ]

WhistlingGypsy · Post by **WhistlingGypsy** » Tue Mar 19, 2002 10:04 am

I also agree with Jim here. While Jessie has certainly been helpful with advice for whistles and flutes, I always felt that there was a type of superiority in her tone that I felt uncomfortable with. When she lashed out and left the board sounding like a spoiled brat and insulting everyone I wasn't really surprised.

I believe Terry that she is a good person and hope that she learns from this experience. Communication in this manner - the written word - is definitely a whole new ball game and this needs to be kept in mind always.

Gerry

ndjr · Post by **ndjr** » Tue Mar 19, 2002 10:08 am

I had no trouble at all understanding what JessieK wrote on this board after her return, and found it patently offensive. If that, as people speaking for her now assert, was not her intention, then her command of english suffered a very serious failure. It is quite easy at this point to say "that is not what she meant," but it certainly was what she wrote.

As others have said, she is the author of her own discomfiture. It's too bad it happened that way, but it did. Even now, though, I believe that the damage is neither permanent nor fatal. If she were to return and offer the most sincere apology available -- by not repeating her previous behavior -- I'm sure that bygones would be bygones. She would find her place preserved for her, and her friends glad to see her. It would require more than a fair dose of humility to do so, but it could be done.

bruceb · Post by **bruceb** » Tue Mar 19, 2002 11:39 am

Can't everyone just let this thread die. Jessie wrote what she wrote, no spurious explanations of her behavior will help the situation. Starting a *SECOND* thread on the same topic is foolish. Give it a rest!

ndjr · Post by **ndjr** » Tue Mar 19, 2002 2:13 pm

On 2002-03-19 12:39, bruceb wrote:

Can't everyone just let this thread die. Jessie wrote what she wrote, no spurious explanations of her behavior will help the situation. Starting a *SECOND* thread on the same topic is foolish. Give it a rest!

One of the really nice things about freedom of speech is that you get to say what's on your mind -- and so does everyone else. I don't pretend to speak for "everyone else," but I lost interest in the "other" thread because ( if we're talking about the same thing here ... ) it started uncivil and seemed to stay that way. Discussion on this thread, for all that the issue is contentious for some, has been quite calm and I prefer it.

This thread, like any other, will drop off page one when everyone loses interest in it. If you don't like the thread, you're not obliged to read it.

By the way, TerryB ... bruceb, are y'all related?

jim stone · Post by **jim stone** » Tue Mar 19, 2002 3:02 pm

Bruce, let me follow Neil by saying that
the people posting here have known Jessie
for some time, some of us for years,
and care about her. The advice being given
is constructive and very practical.
Better said than unsaid, I think. Best

paulsdad · Post by **paulsdad** » Tue Mar 19, 2002 3:16 pm

I think the thing to remember in all communications (especially written) is that human feelings are hurt easily and mended with difficulty.

Everyone has a right to their own opinions, and they may have great emotional attachment to them. If you disagree with someone, it's best to do so gently. It is easy enough to hurt someone accidentally, without trying to do so intentionally.

Fighting fire with fire generally results in a charred wasteland.

bruceb · Post by **bruceb** » Tue Mar 19, 2002 5:27 pm

Jim wrote.....
<<Bruce, let me follow Neil by saying that
the people posting here have known Jessie
for some time, some of us for years,
and care about her. The advice being given
is constructive and very practical.
Better said than unsaid, I think. Best>>

I think the person who would *most* benefit from you letting this die is Jessie. As one of the old timers I can recall Jessie doing this several times before. I clearly remember one of them being pretty nasty. Let it go before all that gets dredged up again.
All I said is she will & should be judged on what she wrote, nothing more. I doubt you or TerryB has any real insight into why she repeatedly does this. (Jessie herself did once blame it on PMS, which I'm sure all you old timers remember) That will have to come from Jessie. She's called everyone a moron, told us we can't recognize how special she is & that we don't deserve her presence, which as someone on the list already pointed out is true, no one deserves to be subjected to abuse. I guess she also said that anyone who believes in God is completely delusional, but I didn't see that post, which one was it?
Isn't it interesting that Jessie herself has not apologized?